


how do you feel?

by melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme



Series: mattex ficlets! [3]
Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: Angst, Dancing, F/M, Post-breakup, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:48:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29108820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme/pseuds/melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme
Summary: It takes him most of the night to work up the courage to ask; by the time he does, the party is almost over - the dance floor is almost empty, except for a few drunk and amorous couples.“Dance with me?” he asks, holding his hand out for her to take.She hesitates, her lips parting slightly in surprise - he’d been avoiding her most of the night, after -after.
Relationships: Alex Kingston/Matt Smith
Series: mattex ficlets! [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2135766
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	how do you feel?

It takes him most of the night to work up the courage to ask; by the time he does, the party is almost over - the dance floor is almost empty, except for a few drunk and amorous couples.

“Dance with me?” he asks, holding his hand out for her to take. 

She hesitates, her lips parting slightly in surprise - he’d been avoiding her most of the night, after -  _ after. _

“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea,” she says quietly, because there are still people around them - Karen and Arthur are somewhere near them, wine drunk and laughing uproariously. 

“Just for a little while,” he tries again. “Nothing happens that you don’t want to, Alex. I promise.”

She hesitates a little before she slowly reaches for his hand, letting him pull her out onto the dance floor. His arms circle her waist and she rests her hands on his chest, maintaining a small amount of distance between them as they begin to sway to the music.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, looking at a point behind his shoulder. “I never meant to hurt you, Matt.”

“Then why did you?” he asks, unable to help himself.

Her mouth opens and she can’t find her voice - how can she tell him that she never meant to get as deep as she did? How can she tell him that he deserves better, that she  _ wants _ better for him - and she isn’t at all what he thinks he needs?

“We’re not - Matt, we’d be wasting time,” she says instead. “Isn’t it better for us to part ways before we get in too deep and hurt each other?”

“You don’t understand,” he shakes his head, and she can tell that he’s holding back tears - Matt always gets a little weepy when he drinks. “I was already in too deep with you, Alex. I had you all to myself for nine months and - and maybe I knew that you’d never take me seriously, but I -“

“That’s not what I - “

“But it is, isn’t it?” he asks. “You make excuses and you have doubts and that’s okay, Alex, I can deal with that - but you gave up on us. I never expected you to give up on us.”

They’ve stopped swaying now, and she lets her hands fall as he drops his own at his sides. She looks up at him, her own eyes filled with tears too.

“And what  _ you _ don’t understand, Matt, is that I’ve been through far too much for you to throw me away once you’ve had your fun with me,” she says firmly, though her voice shakes a little.

“ _ Had my fun?”  _ he repeats, his voice growing louder. “You think I stayed with you because you were just  _ fun _ ?”

“Why else would you stay with me?” she bursts, her own voice matching his in volume. “What do I have to offer you, Matt? What can I give that you could  _ possibly _ want, that could make you stay? I can’t - I can’t  _ fall _ for you only to have you leave. I can’t, Matt, I won’t.”

“Is that what this is about?” he asks, bewildered. “What, you don’t think that you’re  _ enough _ for me?”

“Yes, exactly, Matthew,” she says.

“That’s bullshit,” he says plainly. “Why couldn’t you just talk to me? Nine months, Alex. Nine months of happiness and bliss and - and  _ love _ only for you to throw it all away because you can’t believe that I could ever stay. You know what the most hurtful part is? You never gave me a chance to.”

A tear falls from her eyes and she wipes it away hastily, swallowing slightly. His hazel eyes stare deeply into her, pleading and filled to the brim with tears. 

“Why couldn’t you have given me a chance, Alex?” he asks, his voice breaking as tears start falling from his eyes. “Why couldn’t you let me prove that - that I love you?”

She looks away, her lips trembling as he reaches for her hands, holding it in both of his. She sniffles and stares at their clasped hands, tears starting to fall.

“I love you, Alex,” he repeats again in a whisper, words meant only for her ears. “I wish you’d believed in me. I would’ve done anything to make you happy.”

He lifts her hand and presses a kiss to the back of her palm, and it feels so much like a goodbye that she feels a sob catching in the back of her throat. She feels his wet cheek pressed against her skin and she shuts her eyes, unable to take the pain in her heart - pain she caused herself.

He pulls away, but she holds onto his hand, pulling him back to her. His eyes lift to hers, hopeful but cautious.

“I didn’t want to leave,” she confesses in a whisper. “But I thought you’d realise that you could do so much better - today alone, there were girls all over throwing themselves at you and - let’s face it, Matt, we don’t exactly look like a couple.”

“I didn’t want any of those girls. I spent all night looking at you,” he tells her, his other hand rising to her face to caress her cheeks softly. “And does it really matter what we look like? What matters is how we feel for each other, Alex, and I know exactly how I feel for you.”

She swallows, her green eyes moving over his features slowly, a kind of sadness and loss in her gaze that makes him want to pull her closer and keep her in his arms until everything is okay again. She reaches up to him, pushing his hair out of his eyes as her touch ghosts over his face, and he resists the urge to lean into her palm, trying to remember the importance of the conversation they’re having now. 

“Alex?” he says softly.

“Promise me,” she whispers back, tears falling faster now as she reaches for his wrists, resting her hand on his on her face. Her fingers curl around his and it’s the most contact they’ve had since their separation, and he feels an aching release in his heart as well as a desperate call for  _ more _ , more of her. “Promise me you’re not lying to me. Promise me that you won’t make me a fool and leave me in a few months. Please, promise me, because I don’t think I can do this if you don’t.”

“I promise,” he says immediately, tears trailing down his cheeks even faster now. “I swear, Alex, on everything I stand for - I swear you won’t regret it. Please. I love you.”

She closes her eyes and more tears escape. She turns her face into his hand, breathing deeply and pressing a kiss to his fingertips. 

“I love you too,” she whispers softly,

He surges forwards, and it doesn’t matter that they’re in the middle of the dance floor, where everyone can see them. It doesn’t matter that people are gawking at them, party-goers and drunkards alike. It doesn’t matter that they’ll be splashed on the cover of every gossip rag in the nation, probably the continent - none of that matters.

All that matters is how they feel for each other.


End file.
